Friendship for the sake of Companionship

Reflection Post in response to The Christmas Wife

Friendship for the sake of Companionship

                A while ago, I heard someone say that in a marriage, things will never be 50-50 between a husband and wife. Meaning, relationships are about give and take. One should not keep track of everything one does and make sure your spouse is doing the same number of things. The mentality should not be: “I took out the trash yesterday, so now you must take it out today,” or “I gave the kids a bath the last three nights so now it is your turn for the next three nights.”  In the same way for general relationships, score should not be taken as to who is contributing more to the relationship than the other. However, the truth is, most relationships are conditional and convenient. Understandably, like-minded, like-interested people usually are acquainted and develop strong friendships. Yet, even in the deepest, most solid friendships, there can be conditions or reasons to either love the person more or less. In a society that is mostly self-centered, the idea of simply having a friend for the sake of companionship can be overlooked and undervalued.

                In The Christmas Wife, Tanner’s wife dies so he will be spending Christmas alone; that is until he sees an ad in the paper for, “Social Arrangements.” He further inquires about the “Social Arrangements” and related to the arranger, “I live alone. My wife is dead. Christmas has become…what I require is a Christmas companion.” Essentially, Tanner was looking for a companion to spend the holiday with; someone his age,” not handsome or charming. But simply…agreeable.” Also, he wanted to be very clear, “the bedrooms are separate.” He was not looking for someone to be like his wife in every sense of the word, but rather someone to be around; someone to merely be present. He simply wanted,” the presence of a woman, simply her presence, to give it the seal of a Christmas past.”  From the point in which Tanner receives the woman and throughout the remainder of the story, Tanner takes care of her with great respect and reverence. When he notices she is ill, he offered to help do anything to make her well so she could enjoy Christmas. Even when he got a little bit frustrated, it wasn’t an elaborate, angry event, in that the text records, “He scolded her heartily,’ I want you well by Christmas’.” He didn’t get angry with her. He didn’t want her well so he could use her like prior men. He wanted her well so she could enjoy a joyous time. He wanted her well for her sake; not his. Since Cherry (the women) and her husband were unable to pay the bills, she had been involved with prostitution.  Thus, explaining why she expected for Tanner to treat her differently than he was. She was most likely used to being abused by selfish and unnerving men. Tanner lavished her with compassion, grace, concern, and regard. In fact, at one point Cherry says to Tanner, “You’re so good,” … “You’re so kind.”  In effect, she went so far as to say the time spent with him was,” …the loveliest time I’ve ever had.” Clearly, his love and compassion for her was extraordinary compared to what she was used to. More than likely up to this point, her life had been spent trying to please other people and earn a living by offering her body. This time, she had to do nothing but simply be present where she was; to live without having to give up something precious and valuable. She was able to live without worrying about meeting undesirable expectations. She was able to be. She was able to rest. She was able to live.

                The more I learn, the more I understand the attributes of great friends and friendships. Realistically, as people get other and continue on with their lives ,it is challenging to keep friendships strong and growing. Thus, one must be intentional about sustaining them. Thankfully, the closest friends in my life generally love me without condition. If I don’t talk to them for a few weeks, they don’t hold it against me. In fact, when my best friend calls and I don’t answer (which is most of the time), she takes it as a signal that I’m really busy or stressed, so she prays for me. She doesn’t hold it against me, but she supports who I am and who I’m striving to be. Other friends from high school- I won’t talk to them all semester, but our friendship will continue where we left off when we spend time together in the summer and Christmas time(s). Essentially, if I were constantly trying to earn their love, my life would be even more exhausting than it already is. To keep track of how many things they do or don’t do for you so you can match them or out do them, is a daunting and unfavorable task. Thus, the idea of simply having friends for the sake of enjoying faithful love and companionship; not based solely on what the other person can give or do for you, is a great blessing.

                May be not engage in relationships that are merely based on convenience or conditional. May we make a conscious effort to spend time with people simply for the sake of being together; not necessarily getting together to spend a lot of money, but taking time to take a walk or sit out of the grass and simply be together; to be in one another’s presence. May we be the kind of people who love others simply for the sake of loving; not for what we can get in return; not for our own selfish ambition or ulterior motive. May others says, “You are so kind” and “You are so good to me.”  May we not have desire relationships for our sake, but so that we can pour our love and grace into the lives of another. If we all have this mindset, then all of us will feel loved and served. We will all benefit. We will all make the world a little better; a little brighter.