OKAY

Reflective Post in Response to The Road

“It is well, with my soul, it is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well, with my soul.” As referenced earlier in the semester, Horatio Gates Spafford wrote the lyrics to this famous hymn during one of the hardest times in his life. Not only did Spafford and his wife lose their only son to scarlet fever, but when planning a family vacation to England, his wife and four daughters were aboard a boat that collided with an English vessel and sank in only 12 minutes; leaving 226 people dead. Mrs. Spafford survived, but her four daughters were killed. Despite these devastating tragedies, Horatio Spafford writes the lyrics to this famous hymn. Similarly, in The Road, the father and son are living in an unfavorable, horrific, desperate time. The world has been nearly completely destroyed. Lives have been lost. Food and essential needs are scare. Fear is prevalent.  Destruction is evident and looming. Numerous times in the story, the word “okay” is used. Namely, when the father and son are conversing, one passage says, “That would be okay. Yes. That would be okay.” Additionally, even though the father and son do not always agree, the son seems to eventually concede to the father and honor Papa’s wishes. When things go wrong and circumstances look grim, the father is constantly reassuring the son that everything is okay. Despite not know where they are going or where their next meal is going to come from, the father is constantly assuring the son that everything is okay. In fact on page 232 and continuing, the scene is describing the boy loosing the pistol and them having to return back to where they were to find it.

                “The boy stood with his shoulders slumped. He was beginning to sob. The man knelt and put his arms around him. It’s all right, he said. I’m the one who’s supposed to make sure we have the pistol and I didn’t do it. I forgot. I’m sorry, Papa. Come on. We’re okay. Everything’s okay.”

                Understandably, throughout the story, the boy is constantly asking Papa questions. The boy is constantly worried and desires assurance that everything is going to be okay. Even though the surroundings and their situations look grim, the boy needs the confirmation. Further down on page 232, they found the pistol to which Papa told him to hold. The boy says, “Is it okay, Papa? Of course it’s okay.” When they can’t see where they are going and night has taken over while they are walking on the beach, Papa tells the boy to keep going to which the boy responds on page 233, “I cant see. I know. We’ll just take it one step at a time. Okay. Don’t let go. Okay. No matter what. No matter what.”  The passage continues by saying they went “on in perfect blackness, sightless as the blind.”    

                During the darkest times in life, it is difficult to trust God. It is highly difficult to trust God’s plan when situations do not turn out the way one had hoped. As in the novel, clearly Papa and the boy are in a bad situation. Even though they have disagreements about what is best for them and what they should do, eventually the son usually responds by saying “okay.” Despite not being able to understand why Papa does certain things, he still says okay. Furthermore, when the son is afraid, sorrowful, and fearful of the unknown, Papa is there to comfort and reassure his son that everything is going to be “okay.” What if we just said “okay” to God? Even when we, like the son, are walking along the sandy beaches in utter darkness; when we are completely blind, are we able to hold on tight and not let go? Are we able to say okay to God even though we have no idea where we are going? As in their case, they don’t necessarily know where their next meal is coming from. They don’t have a home, car, food, internet- all the other luxuries of life. The son is continuing to trust his Papa even though he is scared, afraid, hungry, tired, and sick. He says “okay” to whatever his Papa has planned. May the prayer of our hearts be: “Lord, I trust you.” One step at a time- I trust you. Even though I can’t see where I’m going and I don’t understand why, help me to be able to sing and rejoice in you; knowing that You can be trusted; knowing that everything really will be OKAY.  

What is the purpose?

Creative Post in response to The Road

Author: The Son

Why did we happen to survive?

Why were our lives spared?

The devastation is so great; lives of many have been lost

Yet, we remain…

I’m afraid, hungry, cold, and utterly exhausted.

Why did we happen to survive?

Yesterday, we passed a poor man who’d been struck by lightening

I wanted to help, but Papa insisted we must go.

Today, I saw a lost little boy, perhaps abandoned

Lost and without a Papa, and once again

I wanted to help.

I wanted to take him with us, but Papa insisted we must go.

Why did we happen to survive?

Why are we to go through this miserable suffering?

Food is scarce, shelter is limited, and the weather is nearly unbearable.

However, is it not through the struggles that we grow?

Through the tragedies and hardships that we learn to trust God

To provide? To never leave us or forsake us?

To trust that has a greater purpose for happenings

than we can understand?

I wanted to help the little boy, but Papa insisted we must go to survive.

Why did we happen to survive?

We remain so we can learn to trust God through all the storms of life AND

So that we can be a blessing and encouragement to others.

We remain so we can fulfill God’s purposes for our lives.

"Water: the source of life and death"

While water is essential for life, it can also be a major contributor to death. Water is an ambiguous word. As referenced in Matthew 26:52 Jesus says, “Put your sword back in its place,”… “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword (4).” Water is used as the means for survival; it is drawn upon and essential for everyday life, but it also symbolizes death, destruction, and hardship. Interestingly, Enger, in his novel, Peace Like A River, uses water as a theme to emphasis the way in which water symbolizes life, but also how it represents death, struggle, and rainy moments in life. Since water is more or less symbolizes life, I believe Enger uses the theme of water in a particular scene to evidence the stark contrast to popular symbol of water. According to a symbolism dictionary, water most often represents life (2). In a Christian context, water has many parallels: Christ walked on water and even transformed water into wine (2). Additionally, Christians are baptized with or in water, acting as a symbol of purification of the soul, and conversion into the faith (2). However water can also be destructive. As evidenced by the flood, water drowns and erodes (2). Through tsunamis and hurricanes, accompanied by fierce winds and water, lives can be lost and lives greatly affected forever.

                Specifically, on page 48, Enger sets the stage for one of the most dramatic and pivotal points of the story: the shooting of Tommy Basca and Israel Finch. Enger is describing the scene(making many references to rain, snow, and water) right before Finch and Basca enter the Land home and are ultimately shot and killed by Davy.

                “ Rising I looked out the window: Davy’s lit tobacco was an orange dot in the rain.”

                “Beneath the rainshot window the saddle camped in a pearly glow.”

                “Sometime past midnight the rain turned to snow. I could tell by the difference in the sound against the window: a less sharp, wetter sound.”

                “How I wanted it to be Davy coming in, smoky and quiet and shaking off water, but Davy was inside already, sleeping not five feet from me, breathing through this nose in satisfied draughts.”

                Based on these few examples and a sentence on page 47, Enger clearly uses the device of foreshadowing, yet also is able to surprise the reader later on and constantly keep them engaged. As we find out later in the story, Davy actually goes over to the house (s) of Finch and Basca and initiates a fight. Davy gives them reason to want to retaliate; he essentially causes them harm, which consequently results in Finch and Basca striking back, but Davy is waiting for them with a fully, loaded rifle.

                At the bottom of page 47, it says, “Swede and I went to bed early. Davy slung a coat on and left the darkened house. I lay wakeful, conscious of breathing, discomforted at Dad’s stumble, at the pain that blinded him.”  Following this section are the lines listed from page 48, but this sentence is highly important to understanding what is coming next. This sentence reflects foreshadowing. To begin with, Reuben sees Davy sling on his coat and leave the darkened house. Since Reuben and Swede went to bed early, is the house really dark because of lack of daylight or is it dark because of what will come to the house later: a murder scene? Furthermore, where does Reuben think Davy is going? He sees him leave, but just a few sentences later Reuben talks about looking out the window and seeing Davy’s lit tobacco in the rain and the Enger describes the scenario when Reuben thinks “Davy is the one coming in through the door shaking off water, but Davy was inside already sleeping…” But was he really? Was Davy really sleeping inside the whole time like Reuben thought or was he out instigating a fight with Basca and Finch?

                Moreover, does Reuben’s conscious of breathing have anything to do with the fact that in a few short minutes, two young boys will no longer be conscious of their breathing? Their life will be taken and breathing and life will cease? Not only did Reuben lie awake, conscious of breathing, but he was “discomforted at Dad’s stumble, at the pain that blinded him.” Could this imagery reflect how Finch and Basca would enter the house? Presumably, it was dark and difficult to see where one was walking, perhaps they stumbled over a book bag on the floor or a pair of shoes. Furthermore, Finch and Basca probably had no idea Davy had a rifle under his blanket, ready to shoot them. They were indeed blinded to the pain that would come to them.  

                As mentioned earlier, Enger uses the motif of water to convey multiple meanings. According to dictionary.com, there are nearly 50 different definitions for water. Specifically, when water is referenced as a noun, according to dictionary.com, it means, “a transparent, odorless, tasteless liquid, a compound of hydrogen and oxygen, H₂O that in a more or less impure state constitutes rain, oceans, lakes, rivers, etc (1).” When used as a verb with object, water is defined as, “to sprinkle, moisten, or drench with water, to supply animals with water for drinking (1).” Additionally, rain is defined as, “water that is condensed from the aqueous vapor in the atmosphere and falls to earth; a heavy continuous descent or inflicting of anything: a rain of blows; a rain of vituperation (3).” Enger describes Reuben looking beneath the rainshot window. Why is it described as rainshot? Is it possible that a rainshot window foreshadows and describes the future “vituperation?” Also, “sometime past midnight the rain turned to snow.” Could this be just about the time Davy is attacking their house/car and instigating a fight? Is that why the rain turns to snow because at that moment war between the two families continue and provides the catalyst for the boys to intrude the Land home? According to dictionary.com, snow is defined as “something resembling a layer of these flakes in whiteness, softness, or the like, the fall of these flakes or a storm during which these flakes fall (5).”Snow could also be referring to the effect that a simple action can have on the overall outcome. As described by the snowball effect, if you build a snowman, but pull out a ball from the base of the snowman, eventually the whole display will crumble, having devastating effects. In the same way, perhaps it is around midnight that Davy inflicts harm and disrespects Finch and Bascal; the rain turns to snow and the dispute is alive and well among them.

                As the scene continues, Reuben believes or hopes it is Davy who enters the door, but then realizes Davy is already inside sleeping. He wanted Davy to come in “shaking off water,” but he was already inside five feet away from Reuben. Or was he? Could Reuben have the timeline of events a bit skewed? Maybe it really was Davy entering the home late at night, shaking off the “water”, or the rain that he was causing in the lives of Finch and Basca by picking a fight.

                Either way, despite the interpretation of the passage, water is referenced and used to represent many powerful images and symbolism. Ironically, water is the source of life. Specifically, the water that only Jesus gives is the source of eternal life. In fact, Jesus says, "But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life (6)." Without clean potable water, lives would be lost. Yet paradoxically, lives are lost due to water. As famously stated, “Too much of anything is not a good thing;” having things in moderation is more optimal for a healthy life. While water is essential for cooking, cleaning, creating a steam bath to help with Reuben’s asthma, and a plethora of other utilizations, Enger uses water to represent fatalities and unnecessary casualties. Enger engages us with his great use of words, imagery, and foreshadowing to further engage and captivate our interest to continue reading and draw conclusions as we go. The reality is this: we are all thirsty for something. Are we thirsty for revenge or are we thirsty for the living, quenching water of Jesus? Are we searching for water that gives life or water that brings death and destruction?

(1)               "Water | Define Water at Dictionary.com." Dictionary.com | Free Online Dictionary for English Definitions. Web. 07 Apr. 2011. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/water>.

(2)               "Water." University of Michigan. Web. 07 Apr. 2011. <http://www.umich.edu/~umfandsf/symbolismproject/symbolism.html/W/water.html>.

(3)               "Rain | Define Rain at Dictionary.com." Dictionary.com | Free Online Dictionary for English Definitions. Web. 07 Apr. 2011. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rain?fromRef=true>.

(4)               "Matthew 26:39 Going a Little Farther, He Fell with His Face to the Ground and Prayed, "My Father, If It Is Possible, May This Cup Be Taken from Me. Yet Not as I Will, but as You Will."" Online Parallel Bible: Weaving God's Word into the Web. Web. 07 Apr. 2011. <http://bible.cc/matthew/26-39.htm>.

(5)               "Snow | Define Snow at Dictionary.com." Dictionary.com | Free Online Dictionary for English Definitions. Web. 07 Apr. 2011. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/snow.

(6)       "John 4:14 but Whoever Drinks the Water I Give Him Will Never Thirst. Indeed, the Water I Give Him Will Become in Him a Spring of Water Welling up to Eternal Life."" Online Parallel Bible: Weaving God's Word into the Web. Web. 07 Apr. 2011. <http://bible.cc/john/4-14.htm>.

"Walk by Faith"

Creative response to “The Substance of Things Hoped For” Chapter in Peace Like a River

Inspired by Wilderness Trail: A Backpacking and Adventure Ministry

 “Walk by Faith”

                About a month ago, I had the incredible opportunity to lead a group of middle and high school students on a hike through the Ocala National Forest. I’ve been on many hikes the past few years, exploring areas of the Appalachian Trail in southern Virginia and have even spent some time hiking in Colorado, but never have been the leader of a group. I simply was along for the ride and enjoyment of the company and fellowship. The weekend hike was organized by an incredible organization known as Wilderness Trail, which is a backpacking and adventure ministry based out of Waynesville, North Carolina. Every summer, hundreds of youth experience a summer hike, exploring the wilderness and seeking God through his creation and their brother and sisters in Christ. However, the summer experience is not enough. People can’t wait an entire year before they are able to experience the adventurous, fun, and life-changing experience again. Essentially, they want to go on more than just one hike a year. They want to experience this adventure year around. Thus, the ministry was brought south to Ocala this winter, and my presence as a leader was requested. Despite having never led a hike, I willingly accepted the call and offered to walk the trails of Ocala, not knowing where I was going or really what I was to do.

                Thankfully, my brother (who is a veteran hiker having been on staff at Trail for five summers) was full of advice and encouragement to help prepare me to lead my group. I called him a few days before the weekend of the hike to talk about little things to remember, and even just how to prepare for the weekend. But there is one thing he told me that stands out. He said, “The best thing for you to do is realize that you have completely no control over anything that happens throughout the weekend.” While the thought seems frightening, it is true and stress relieving. Think about it: when you decide to take an adventure; to walk in the wilderness- away from civilization, safety, shelter, cell phone reception, and easy access to a quick transportation, you are putting yourself at risk of injury, fear, worry, and potentially serious situations. One is unable to control the weather, the animals in the environment, the people that cross your path, the functioning of the group equipment to make meals, the durability of tents or tarps to provide shelter, and the list goes on. In reality, you really have no control. “You must trust the process.”

                Wilderness Trail has a few different themes that have come about over the years and been used not only as logos for t-shirts, but for continually application and reminders in our life. Some of the mottos are as follows: “Each Step with a Purpose”, “Bear one another’s burdens”, and “Trust the Process.” As I tried to gracefully transition from a frantic school life to leading this retreat weekend in Ocala, I was feeling very weary and thought I could barely go on the hike as a participant, much less the leader. But since I have a great tendency for worrying about every single thing (to which accomplishes nothing), I decided that this weekend I was not going to worry about things that I couldn’t control. I was too exhausted to worry and decided I was just going to trust God to lead me and give me strength and wisdom as I lead my group.

                It was the morning of our hike to begin and I didn’t even know that path we were supposed to take. All I knew was we were supposed to go North on the trail, but since this was the first time any of us had every hiked in the Ocala National Forest, it was all new to us. It wasn’t like those who had loads of experience from summer hikes would know where to go. It was all new. Another group from Wilderness Trail was hiking the opposite direction as we were. Since our group got started a little late, we were the last group to be dropped off at the trail head to begin our hike. I remember hoping that somehow the other group who was hiking South on the same trail would still be there so I could see the direction they were going and just go in the opposite direction. If not, I thought, hmm….I’ll just look at the location of the sun to determine what direction is North so we could hike the right way. Thankfully, the other group was still there when we were dropped off so we just went the opposite way, hiking on the orange blazes of the Florida Trail.

                Even though I was the leader, I had two great junior staff girls who “bore my burdens” and helped me throughout the weekend.  Since I didn’t even know where were to camp on our first night, one of my junior staff’s had  hiked this trail a few weeks before so she knew where we would be going. After a beautiful day of hiking, we reached our camp site, set-up our tents and relaxed for a while. The water given to us by the support team, volunteers who stay back at base camp that do numerous jobs behind the scenes to make the weekend possible, came later than expected and consequently dinner was later as well. Even though the youth were hungry and not happy about having to wait, there was nothing I could do about it. The stove seemed to be taking an abnormally long time to boil the water so the red beans and rice had to wait to be cooked. While I usually would have been so worried and afraid to disappoint the people in my group, I had this peace that everything was going to be fine. God had the whole weekend all taken care of and planned out. I didn’t have to worry. I just needed to trust the process.

                As Scripture talks about, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” In life we are to walk by faith, not by sight. It is so hard to set out on a trail and realize that you have no idea where you are going. You are simply walking and hoping you reach the campsite before it gets dark. Or even better, you are hoping to see a familiar face along the way, someone who can direct you and guide you as to where you should go or what you should look for. Going on a hike greatly compares to the journey of life. Each step you take should be done with purpose. You are not always going to know where you are going. You are going to travel paths that are unknown, fearful, and even scary, but the adventure and the fun rests in pursuing the unknown, while at the same time trusting God’s will for your life in the process. Initially, the journey and the atmosphere can be foggy. You might not know where you are going, but you must take the first step and the step thereafter. Eventually, the fog will rise, the sun will shine, and you see the light of day. You will see a friend along the path who will guide you, even though God is really guiding you all along, to your campsite, to your destinations where you will ultimately find rest and life. When you get to the campsite, you can set up your tents, play games, build camp fires and roast marsh mellows, sing worship songs and seek God as a family, as a body. But you will never experience the wonder, beauty, and joy of being home at the campsite, unless you first walk the path. You must step out and walk even if you don’t know the path you are going. You must bear the burdens of those around you and trust the process and plan God has for your life, even though it might be a little foggy.

               

“Stuck between a rock and a hard place”

Problematize Post 

                Unfortunately, over half of marriages end in divorce. Not only is there brokenness and hurt between each spouse, but children can be greatly affected by divorce. In “Children of Divorce”, Kathleen Norris depicts a stark contrast between heaven and earth, while comparing the life of the children to earth to their longing to be in heaven- free of the hurt, chaos, pain, confusion, and loneliness, yet full of God’s unconditional love. The setting of the poem takes place on a plane. Not only does a plane represent travel, exploration and a means of transportation, but plane is also usually full of people; each having a story of their own(a story which might even include them being affected by divorce). So, the children are playing a game while sitting together on the plane. Even though the children are doing what children do- being creative and having fun, Norris makes it clear- these children are hurting inside; their hearts are filled with worry, fear, and sorrow. In fact, the first stanza says, “They pretend to look for faces in the storm clouds,” and the “stewardess has seated them together, a boy and a girl, pretending not to be afraid.” The children are playing a game; trying to divert their attention to something fun, but at the same time they are looking around the plane. Perhaps, they are really looking for people to help them in their time of trouble; the time of division and separation of their parents.  

                In order to emphasize the awful situation of the children, the opening line of the poem is “We should imagine that we are in heaven.” This same line is mentioned again in the second stanza right after the phrase “pretending not to be afraid.” Clearly, the children are afraid, terrified about their situation. Their parents are divorced and living in different cities. In fact, it appears that they are traveling to visit one of their parents who has moved to another city; a city where the children have never been before. To further reiterate their emotional and physiological state, Norris uses phrases like “in the brooding dark through which we pass” and even references the girl talking about a tornado being able to pick up the plane and throw it. The children are quoted for saying “I can’t look, it’s too scary.” The word tornado symbolizes strong winds, chaos, struggle, loss, pain, hurt, and disorder. The children are longing to be in heaven- to be free of the hurt, pain, and division they are stuck in.

                When parents separate, the children are stuck in the middle. Granted many different factors influence divorce, but it can be easy for the children to take sides with one parent over the other (if one is able to understand some of the things that are going on). If too young, it can be even more difficult because the children don’t understand why things are happening the way they are. On the other hand, since young children can’t understand, it might not be as painful initially. Furthermore, if a parent gets remarried, the attention and focus on children’s life can dwindle. The children become less of a priority. They get lost in the shuffle and aren’t mentored and encouraged. The image of an ocean is mentioned to which the girl says, “we’ll be lost at sea.” “It’s too scary,” the boy says again. Without direction, guidance, intervention, support, and belief from our parents, children will be lost. Admittedly, even though parents get divorced, they can still be great mentors, teachers, and supporters of their children. But in this poem, it seems like the parents have lost all interest in their children. As a result, the children feel like their life is one big storm, full of rain and rough winds, even to the extent of the storm causing a tornado. They are lost, afraid, and sorrowful about the whole situation.    

                If the parents divorce when the children are older, it can be a struggle for the children not to take sides. Meaning, how does one love them both, even if one feels like one parent is the cause or major contributor to resulting divorce? How does one prevent the parent from thinking the children are taking sides?  How does one manage going between two different families every other weekend or spending the holidays with one parent one year and the other the next? How does one not feel stuck between two sides? How do you love both parents even if you feel like one parent is emotionally abusive to the other? How do you love them even though they hurt someone you love? Moreover, how do you forgive them if you feel like they’ve caused horrible things to happen to a parent you love? On a different note, how do the children themselves cope with division, loneliness, hurt, and lack of understanding in times of divorce? How does one manage a life that is lived with parents who don’t love each other and are separated? Who(parents) don't love you and invest in your life? How is one to live when a family has been broken apart; separated from its original design and intent?

                Towards the end of the poem, lines such as “we’re gonna die” and “we’re not gonna make it” are uttered by the children. As in the beginning of the poem, the children are playing a game, but at the same time hurting and really looking for someone to help them in their troubling situation. Similarly, at the end of the poem, when the plane is getting ready to land, the children see the beautiful city lights and the great river shining, but they don’t believe the plane is going to make the runway. They don’t believe they will land safely from this journey they are on. Interestingly, Norris uses “games” and “pretty lights” to demonstrate the fun-loving , outward appearances we try to display, even though our hearts are hurting and dark. Outwardly, we appear as if we have it all together, but really our hearts are crying out for someone to help us; for someone to see beyond our appearance and seek to understand our hurting hearts.

                Thankfully, Jesus provides us with salvation. He offers a way home. He provides a place for us free of trouble, worry, fear, and hurt. He provides us with hope and restoration.  We can “just look at the lights”. We can look to the light of the world to be the answer to all of our needs. We can look to the future with great joy, knowing that the best is yet to come; that heaven awaits those who fear and love God. But we don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to live. We are gonna live. We are gonna make it on earth because Christ is our hope even in the brokenness, loneliness, loss, hurt, confusion, and chaos of life (i.e. divorce).  He is a safe place for us to land. He is the answer we can rely on. With Christ, we can sail the ocean and not fear we will drown. We can land safely on the runway he has set out for our lives. God is sovereign. He is in control of all things. Even though as children, we don’t understand why things happen; why parents’ divorce, we can trust that God has a plan for us. Jesus is the rock on which we can stand. We don’t have to be stuck and continually dwell in the storms of life. We can take refuge and shelter under the wings of Christ; for he is our strength in weakness and in times of trouble.

"You were born to fly"

Creative Response to “A Work of Artifice” 

The pudgy caterpillar,

crawling along the path

can grow into a beautiful butterfly

enlightening the hearts of those it chooses to rest upon.

However, humanity

must watch its step.

Daily as they

move about their busy lives,

humanity dictates,

It is in your design,

to be beautiful and free,

bright and colorful;

how wonderful, blossomed butterfly,

to have the world to explore.

Regarding little children

one must start promptly

to encourage their spirits:

the free feet,

the empowered brain,

the hair in pigtails,

the hearts you

love to nurture.       

This poem is intended to reflect the contrasting ideas displayed in the “Work of Artifice”

The caterpillar represents a new born baby that eventually develops into a butterfly (a child, teenager, and eventually an adult). Specifically, the caterpillar is to represent a baby girl. Initially, like caterpillars, babies crawl about and eventually learn to climb and walk, but if parents aren’t watching, the baby can get hurt. In the same way, a caterpillar can be stepped on by humans. If not taken care of when young, caterpillars(babies) can get smashed, crushed, and not given the chance to develop into a butterfly; to ultimately spread their wings and fly. People play a huge role in the development of an individual. Each person, created in the image of God, was designed as beautiful and created to live freely. But our intended design can be stifled and the outcome negatively affected if proper care isn’t taken to nurture a young girl. Thus, encouragement, belief, and support from the child’s family must start when she is young. For if she is believed in, encouraged, supported, and loved for who she is, she will be free, empowered, and joyful able to love and cherish others.

Ride On

Reflective Post based on “To a Daughter Leaving Home”

Ride on

                When I reflect on “To a Daughter Leaving Home”, I recall the time my father taught me how to ride a bike. I can still remember him taking off my training wheels, walking beside me as I rode out into the parking lot ready to be let go; ready to ride without my training wheels for the first time. As alluded to in this poem, I wonder if my dad was afraid to let me go. I wonder if he was afraid I would fall and hurt myself. The first few lines of the poem describe a parent teaching their daughter how to ride a bicycle while being alongside her as she “wobbled away on two round wheels.”   While this poem could describe a literal event of an eight year old girl learning how to ride a bike, it could also very well be describing raising a child; about raising a child the best way possible and then ultimately having to send them out “on two round wheels” into the world. Similar to watching their daughter pull ahead “down the curved road,” or simply having a child do something unexpected, a parent’s mouth is “rounding in surprise”. They are seeing their once helpless baby, grow into a toddler, then a child, to a teenager, and eventually into an adult. They are seeing them grow and develop, while trying to prune and teach them along the way. Yet, even in the teaching and disciplining efforts of the parents, there are still moments that are beyond their control. The parents do not necessarily have control of the fate of their child. They eventually must let them go. They must let them ride their bike without training wheels. Yes, they must even allow their children to be exposed to failure, to hurt, and pain- for it is in the sufferings and pains of life where growth occurs.

                Understandably, when you finally let go of your children and allow them to travel “down the curved path of the park,” the parents are “waiting for the thud of your crash.” It is almost as if they are expecting you to fall. However, as I recall learning to ride without training wheels, my dad first made ride around the parking lot a few times before allowing me to go further. Also, I was required to wear a helmet. When I first started off, precautions were taken to keep me safe, while at the same time allowing me to experience freedom from my training wheels.  Once I able to successfully ride around the parking lot, I was given more freedom to ride down the street and eventually allowed to ride to the houses of my friends.

                Yet, even when given freedom to ride without training wheels, our parents “sprint to catch up,” but sometimes they don’t make it in time. They try to keep you from falling, but sometimes falling is beneficial. When I think about my upbringing, my mother had a tough job. She birthed two strong-willed, highly competitive children. She struggled with the idea of allowing and encouraging us to be ourselves, but also setting boundaries that we shouldn’t cross. She did not want to stifle our spirits and keep us on a tight leash, but sometimes let us go too far. She gave us our freedom and let us go, but some would argue she often let us go too fast and too furious. She sacrificed her life for ours and was constantly putting our needs above her own. She valued our needs above her own to the point of her health becoming great affected.  She disciplined us when we needed it, but more often than not she didn’t require enough of us. She wanted us to be kids and have fun and do well in school, but she also did too much. She did things we should have done like help keep the house clean, do our laundry, wash dishes more often, help with household chores, etc.  

                The beauty of raising children, and even just having genuine, lasting relationships with people is the fact that one is able not only able to bear one another’s burdens, but one is able to share in the good times as well. When children are allowed to ride freely, with precautions, the potential for success, achievement, memories, adventure, and accomplishment can result. Even though you “grow smaller, more breakable with distance,” the potential for growth and pursuit of dreams increases. The more you are able to spread your wings and fly, the greater potential for either success or destruction, depending on the road that is travelled.  One of the many beautiful things about my mother is that she always supported my brother and I, even if she didn’t always agree.  She loved and supported what we loved. She encouraged and raised us to believe we could be anything we wanted to be. She lived to see our dreams come true. She loved to share in “laughter” and be involved in all of our activities. She loved to see us live freely.

                Towards the end of the poem, the comparison is made between “hair flapping” like a “handkerchief waving goodbye”. To me, hair flapping indicates freedom, but not just any freedom. It is a freedom that results from a developed life of conviction; a life that is raised in such as way as to have a heart to pursue and love the things of God so that when you are set free, the decisions and choices one makes are pleasing to the Lord. In the same way as helmets, elbow and knee pads, and training wheels are precautionary measures to keep us save while allowing us to ride, God gives us precautions in His Word, not to harm or hinder us, but to protect us. Thankfully, like our parents, God disciplines those he loves. He corrects us when we are wrong, while at the same time granting us a true freedom that can only be found in him. When we fail, it is painful, but growth occurs through our pain. We have to go through the fire to be refined. Yet, ironically, it is in going through the fire and being refined that we are able to live more freely. So the paradox is interesting, God gives us freedom to ride down hills and experience all that live has to offer, but we still need to wear his helmet of salvation and live out the truths of God’s Word. If we do this, we are better able to leave home and go in peace to love and serve the world.