Problematize Post
Unfortunately, over half of marriages end in divorce. Not only is there brokenness and hurt between each spouse, but children can be greatly affected by divorce. In “Children of Divorce”, Kathleen Norris depicts a stark contrast between heaven and earth, while comparing the life of the children to earth to their longing to be in heaven- free of the hurt, chaos, pain, confusion, and loneliness, yet full of God’s unconditional love. The setting of the poem takes place on a plane. Not only does a plane represent travel, exploration and a means of transportation, but plane is also usually full of people; each having a story of their own(a story which might even include them being affected by divorce). So, the children are playing a game while sitting together on the plane. Even though the children are doing what children do- being creative and having fun, Norris makes it clear- these children are hurting inside; their hearts are filled with worry, fear, and sorrow. In fact, the first stanza says, “They pretend to look for faces in the storm clouds,” and the “stewardess has seated them together, a boy and a girl, pretending not to be afraid.” The children are playing a game; trying to divert their attention to something fun, but at the same time they are looking around the plane. Perhaps, they are really looking for people to help them in their time of trouble; the time of division and separation of their parents.
In order to emphasize the awful situation of the children, the opening line of the poem is “We should imagine that we are in heaven.” This same line is mentioned again in the second stanza right after the phrase “pretending not to be afraid.” Clearly, the children are afraid, terrified about their situation. Their parents are divorced and living in different cities. In fact, it appears that they are traveling to visit one of their parents who has moved to another city; a city where the children have never been before. To further reiterate their emotional and physiological state, Norris uses phrases like “in the brooding dark through which we pass” and even references the girl talking about a tornado being able to pick up the plane and throw it. The children are quoted for saying “I can’t look, it’s too scary.” The word tornado symbolizes strong winds, chaos, struggle, loss, pain, hurt, and disorder. The children are longing to be in heaven- to be free of the hurt, pain, and division they are stuck in.
When parents separate, the children are stuck in the middle. Granted many different factors influence divorce, but it can be easy for the children to take sides with one parent over the other (if one is able to understand some of the things that are going on). If too young, it can be even more difficult because the children don’t understand why things are happening the way they are. On the other hand, since young children can’t understand, it might not be as painful initially. Furthermore, if a parent gets remarried, the attention and focus on children’s life can dwindle. The children become less of a priority. They get lost in the shuffle and aren’t mentored and encouraged. The image of an ocean is mentioned to which the girl says, “we’ll be lost at sea.” “It’s too scary,” the boy says again. Without direction, guidance, intervention, support, and belief from our parents, children will be lost. Admittedly, even though parents get divorced, they can still be great mentors, teachers, and supporters of their children. But in this poem, it seems like the parents have lost all interest in their children. As a result, the children feel like their life is one big storm, full of rain and rough winds, even to the extent of the storm causing a tornado. They are lost, afraid, and sorrowful about the whole situation.
If the parents divorce when the children are older, it can be a struggle for the children not to take sides. Meaning, how does one love them both, even if one feels like one parent is the cause or major contributor to resulting divorce? How does one prevent the parent from thinking the children are taking sides? How does one manage going between two different families every other weekend or spending the holidays with one parent one year and the other the next? How does one not feel stuck between two sides? How do you love both parents even if you feel like one parent is emotionally abusive to the other? How do you love them even though they hurt someone you love? Moreover, how do you forgive them if you feel like they’ve caused horrible things to happen to a parent you love? On a different note, how do the children themselves cope with division, loneliness, hurt, and lack of understanding in times of divorce? How does one manage a life that is lived with parents who don’t love each other and are separated? Who(parents) don't love you and invest in your life? How is one to live when a family has been broken apart; separated from its original design and intent?
Towards the end of the poem, lines such as “we’re gonna die” and “we’re not gonna make it” are uttered by the children. As in the beginning of the poem, the children are playing a game, but at the same time hurting and really looking for someone to help them in their troubling situation. Similarly, at the end of the poem, when the plane is getting ready to land, the children see the beautiful city lights and the great river shining, but they don’t believe the plane is going to make the runway. They don’t believe they will land safely from this journey they are on. Interestingly, Norris uses “games” and “pretty lights” to demonstrate the fun-loving , outward appearances we try to display, even though our hearts are hurting and dark. Outwardly, we appear as if we have it all together, but really our hearts are crying out for someone to help us; for someone to see beyond our appearance and seek to understand our hurting hearts.
Thankfully, Jesus provides us with salvation. He offers a way home. He provides a place for us free of trouble, worry, fear, and hurt. He provides us with hope and restoration. We can “just look at the lights”. We can look to the light of the world to be the answer to all of our needs. We can look to the future with great joy, knowing that the best is yet to come; that heaven awaits those who fear and love God. But we don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to live. We are gonna live. We are gonna make it on earth because Christ is our hope even in the brokenness, loneliness, loss, hurt, confusion, and chaos of life (i.e. divorce). He is a safe place for us to land. He is the answer we can rely on. With Christ, we can sail the ocean and not fear we will drown. We can land safely on the runway he has set out for our lives. God is sovereign. He is in control of all things. Even though as children, we don’t understand why things happen; why parents’ divorce, we can trust that God has a plan for us. Jesus is the rock on which we can stand. We don’t have to be stuck and continually dwell in the storms of life. We can take refuge and shelter under the wings of Christ; for he is our strength in weakness and in times of trouble.
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