Ride On

Reflective Post based on “To a Daughter Leaving Home”

Ride on

                When I reflect on “To a Daughter Leaving Home”, I recall the time my father taught me how to ride a bike. I can still remember him taking off my training wheels, walking beside me as I rode out into the parking lot ready to be let go; ready to ride without my training wheels for the first time. As alluded to in this poem, I wonder if my dad was afraid to let me go. I wonder if he was afraid I would fall and hurt myself. The first few lines of the poem describe a parent teaching their daughter how to ride a bicycle while being alongside her as she “wobbled away on two round wheels.”   While this poem could describe a literal event of an eight year old girl learning how to ride a bike, it could also very well be describing raising a child; about raising a child the best way possible and then ultimately having to send them out “on two round wheels” into the world. Similar to watching their daughter pull ahead “down the curved road,” or simply having a child do something unexpected, a parent’s mouth is “rounding in surprise”. They are seeing their once helpless baby, grow into a toddler, then a child, to a teenager, and eventually into an adult. They are seeing them grow and develop, while trying to prune and teach them along the way. Yet, even in the teaching and disciplining efforts of the parents, there are still moments that are beyond their control. The parents do not necessarily have control of the fate of their child. They eventually must let them go. They must let them ride their bike without training wheels. Yes, they must even allow their children to be exposed to failure, to hurt, and pain- for it is in the sufferings and pains of life where growth occurs.

                Understandably, when you finally let go of your children and allow them to travel “down the curved path of the park,” the parents are “waiting for the thud of your crash.” It is almost as if they are expecting you to fall. However, as I recall learning to ride without training wheels, my dad first made ride around the parking lot a few times before allowing me to go further. Also, I was required to wear a helmet. When I first started off, precautions were taken to keep me safe, while at the same time allowing me to experience freedom from my training wheels.  Once I able to successfully ride around the parking lot, I was given more freedom to ride down the street and eventually allowed to ride to the houses of my friends.

                Yet, even when given freedom to ride without training wheels, our parents “sprint to catch up,” but sometimes they don’t make it in time. They try to keep you from falling, but sometimes falling is beneficial. When I think about my upbringing, my mother had a tough job. She birthed two strong-willed, highly competitive children. She struggled with the idea of allowing and encouraging us to be ourselves, but also setting boundaries that we shouldn’t cross. She did not want to stifle our spirits and keep us on a tight leash, but sometimes let us go too far. She gave us our freedom and let us go, but some would argue she often let us go too fast and too furious. She sacrificed her life for ours and was constantly putting our needs above her own. She valued our needs above her own to the point of her health becoming great affected.  She disciplined us when we needed it, but more often than not she didn’t require enough of us. She wanted us to be kids and have fun and do well in school, but she also did too much. She did things we should have done like help keep the house clean, do our laundry, wash dishes more often, help with household chores, etc.  

                The beauty of raising children, and even just having genuine, lasting relationships with people is the fact that one is able not only able to bear one another’s burdens, but one is able to share in the good times as well. When children are allowed to ride freely, with precautions, the potential for success, achievement, memories, adventure, and accomplishment can result. Even though you “grow smaller, more breakable with distance,” the potential for growth and pursuit of dreams increases. The more you are able to spread your wings and fly, the greater potential for either success or destruction, depending on the road that is travelled.  One of the many beautiful things about my mother is that she always supported my brother and I, even if she didn’t always agree.  She loved and supported what we loved. She encouraged and raised us to believe we could be anything we wanted to be. She lived to see our dreams come true. She loved to share in “laughter” and be involved in all of our activities. She loved to see us live freely.

                Towards the end of the poem, the comparison is made between “hair flapping” like a “handkerchief waving goodbye”. To me, hair flapping indicates freedom, but not just any freedom. It is a freedom that results from a developed life of conviction; a life that is raised in such as way as to have a heart to pursue and love the things of God so that when you are set free, the decisions and choices one makes are pleasing to the Lord. In the same way as helmets, elbow and knee pads, and training wheels are precautionary measures to keep us save while allowing us to ride, God gives us precautions in His Word, not to harm or hinder us, but to protect us. Thankfully, like our parents, God disciplines those he loves. He corrects us when we are wrong, while at the same time granting us a true freedom that can only be found in him. When we fail, it is painful, but growth occurs through our pain. We have to go through the fire to be refined. Yet, ironically, it is in going through the fire and being refined that we are able to live more freely. So the paradox is interesting, God gives us freedom to ride down hills and experience all that live has to offer, but we still need to wear his helmet of salvation and live out the truths of God’s Word. If we do this, we are better able to leave home and go in peace to love and serve the world.