Sonny's Blues

Reflective Post-

                The class discussion of Sonny’s Blues triggered many thoughts, allowed me to better understand meanings within the passage, encouraged and inspired me with personal troubles, and opened my mind up to new ideas and perspectives when reading the story.  As discussed in class, Sonny’s brother does not know how to listen well. He is constantly trying to direct and counsel Sonny. In his brother’s defense, some could argue it was because he loved his brother so much and wanted him to “succeed” in life, that he talked incessantly and was always trying to demand Sonny  be something he wasn’t. Ironically, when Sonny was sent to prison for using heroine, his brother failed to communicate with him. During the time Sonny needed him to say something most, he had nothing to say. Yet, when Sonny needed someone to simply listen, his brother was unable to because he was constantly talking. In fact, at one point in the text Sonny was actually starting to talk and his brother almost couldn’t resist the urge to interject for he knew if he did Sonny would stop talking. Sonny simply wanted someone to listen, really listen.             

            Unfortunately, the apples do not fall far from the trees. In some ways, I am similar to my father in that, if I am comfortable with a person, I can have a lot to say, sometimes to the point of exhaustion on my end, not to mention how the listeners must feel. However, in my defense I do try to make a conscious effort to be aware of others and inquire their insight; to allow them to speak and me to listen. A while ago I heard a phase which said, “God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we talk.” I think that is quite interesting, and something that I need to remind myself of often. The ability to be a good listen is such a gift. I did not realize the great value of it until my mom, the greatest listener in my life, went to meet Jesus. I could always count on my mom to listen to all my stories, hear all my thoughts(no matter how absurd  they were), and support me even if she did not agree. My dad is the exact opposite. When we talk on the phone, he calls and talks the entire time; I just listen. Furthermore, he will ask multiple questions consecutively and not even give me a chance to answer the first one. It can be rather frustrating which makes me realize all the more the value of listen.          

        Additionally, not only is listening valuable because it is important to talk about things and not keep them in, but listening or the lack there of can either be healing or detrimental, as in Sonny’s case. No one was really able to listen and hear his heart. He was not understood because no one took the time simply to listen. He was alone. He was lost. Instead of trying to listen, his brother tried to fix everything and insist he be someone  and something he was not. Based on this theme in the story, I’m challenged to listen more than I speak, to not insist on having my own way, to consider and value differences, and embrace people who are different from me; who think and act differently, for we can learn and understand so much if we would only listen.

Not only did the story challenge and remind me about the value of listening, but the sufferings and struggles of their family were both enriching and relatable. While in class, it was mentioned that those who have been through hardships and sufferings are sometimes better writers or artists; their art and writings are normally inspired by happens in their lives. It is a very interesting concept to think of suffering as a good thing; to embrace and rejoice in something that has completely devastated and changed one’s life. It is like the concept of Jesus being the Messiah, the King, yet he exemplified the exact opposite of what people viewed as a king. He did not come with a sword to kill, require an expensive robe and crown to wear, an immaculate temple in which to reside. Instead, he came as a humble servant, born in a rugged manger; not requiring to be served, but to serve, to love those who no one loved, to hang out with the rejected, downcast, and “sinners.” Even more contrary to the thought of Jesus as Messiah, is that he was crucified. Kings were not crucified. If he was really a king, he would have been able to save himself, people thought. Jesus suffered the ultimate death, yet it was able to give hope, life, and salvation to all people who believe. It makes me wonder, do we too suffer hardship and troubles so that we can share our hope and give life to others brokenness? Are we able to humble ourselves enough to admit our brokenness and be real with one another? More importantly, will we be accepted if we reveal our brokenness? Our cry and need for help, compassion, grace, and assistance in our hurts? Not only would people refuse to listen to Sonny, but when he tried to speak he was not understood. He was not accepted and received for being who he was. People tried to change him; change what he loved.  He was hurting and crying out for help, but his own family could not even listen. He was suffering, yet not heard and acknowledged.

                When Sonny and his brother were conversing about what Sonny wanted to do with his life, Sonny explained how he wanted to be a jazz musician. His brother asked: “Doesn’t all this take a lot of time? Can you make a living at it?” To which Sonny responded, “ Everything takes time, and--- well, yes sure I can make a living at it. But what I don’t seem to be able to make you understand is that it’s the only thing I want to do.” In response his brother says, “Well, Sonny, you know people can’t always do exactly what they want to—“  Sonny says, “ No, I didn’t know that. I think people ought to do what they want to do, what else are they alive for?”

                So often in life, we try to be who we are not. We change who we are to be loved, accepted, and valued. We try to live into our parent’s expectations and dreams for us. Perhaps, parents are trying to live their dreams through their children. But is that really what life is all about? Being who we are not, and trying to fulfill others expectations of us instead of pursuing what we love and value, regardless of what others may say?

                Growing up I can somewhat relate to the situation of where Sonny and his family lived. Granted, I didn’t live in the ghetto areas of Harlem, but my family lived in too small of a house that was always cluttered, and not as clean as my friend’s houses. I was always embarrassed to have friends come over for fear of what they would think of me and possibly even  cause me to lose the friendship. During the story, there is a scene when Sonny and his brother are driving back through the town where they grew up. I wonder if they were ashamed about their circumstances; afraid to tell the “rich white people” where they lived. Even though I did not live in a terrible neighborhood, I  didn’t want people to know where I lived. I didn’t want them to judge me. After finally letting people who I thought really loved me come over, I realized since they continued to treat me with the same love and grace, that they were indeed my true friends.

                As I have gotten older, I’ve come to realize that everyone has a unique story. One can’t control ones circumstances, to the family in which one was born, but you can control your response and attitude toward your circumstances. More importantly, I’ve realized circumstances don’t define who you are. Your circumstances don’t define your potential. Enriching to me is the thought  that God chooses those who seem least qualified to accomplish his mission and purposes. He uses the foolish things of the world to shame those who think they’re wise. In fact, Luke 16:15 says, “ What is highly valued among men is detestable to God.” This is comforting to me because I don’t need to have or be what others value; I am freely encouraged to be who God wants me to be.

            The more I reflect the more I find myself relating to the life of Sonny. Not only was my housing situation not luxurious, but my parent’s marriage was constantly on the verge of divorce, my mother became ill with cancer to which took her life five years later, and I’m hoping to pursue a career in medicine(something I love) regardless of the rigor and sacrifice. Generally, people say, “Wow you’re going to be in school forever. Are you sure you want to be in school that long?” What is the rush? Yes, it takes time(as in Sonny’s case), but should that deter me from pursuing God’s call on my life? Moreover, most people automatically make the assumption, you’re going to be a doctor so you’ll make a lot of money. Yet, they don’t really understand my heart and my passion for the poor who have nothing; not to mention medical care. I want to work with the less fortunate, which means I probably won’t be making  much money, and the money I do make I’ll want to give back to others. I want to live this greatly adventurous life, to pursue all the mysteries and wonders of God. I don’t want to live the traditional, American life. I want to pursue the world and live not only for myself, but honor others above me. While it might seem easier, I don’t want to live a comfortable, uneventful life. I want to do things in which others think are crazy, things  that greatly challenge me. I want to do what I believe I was made for. I don’t want to do what others say I should do. I want to do what I love. I want to take the road less traveled.

In essence, I’ve come to understand, we are more than our situation and are able to pursue the dreams God has given us no matter how unqualified , unable, and untalented we think we are. We should live not live for the approval and satisfaction of others, but live and pursue the things God has placed deep inside of us. Pursue our dreams no matter what others say.  In Sonny’s case, going though the sufferings and troubles has great potential to make you stronger if you allow it to. Struggles can challenge you to keep “singing”, keep “playing” even if others around you don’t understand why you think or do what you’re doing. Sonny didn’t have much support. No one was willing to listen. No one was really understanding of his differences. When he was doing what he loved and living with Isabel’s family, they  wanted him to leave. They were annoyed. Yet, he kept playing. He didn’t give up. Granted, he went about trying to be successful the wrong way, but he kept doing what he loved and wasn’t discouraged to the extent of giving up. Even though he was walking through life alone, he stayed true to what he loved. He loved music and kept going even when others thought he should do other things.

          Even though sometimes literature is hard to understand, I think it is important to seek to understand the meaning beyond what is immediately visible. In the future, if we take time to read and re-read certain parts, we’ll find deep meaning and relevance to our own lives. Also, if we read with the intent to somehow relate and connect ourselves to the story or someone else we know, perhaps we’ll learn to better understand ourselves and others who are different from us. We’ll be given a new perspective on things we don’t understand, and hopefully we’ll begin to embrace differences among ourselves and not see them negatively. There is always something new to be learned, explored, and better understood. We have so much to learn from the lives of others. None of us are the same. We are all distinctly different.  If in the future readings and even our lives, we begin to see things from a different perspective, love people right where there are; not forcing them to conform to our way of thinking, then maybe we’ll be able to better show others the love of Christ, who loved us while we were still in our sin. Who loves us without condition.